Practical Tips for Finding Your Voice
One of the most difficult parts of being a writer is figuring out your voice.
Heck, one of the most difficult parts of being a HUMAN is finding your voice and figuring out how you can use it in a way that feels authentic to you, and gets through to the people you are hoping will listen.
I grew up feeling completely unable to use my voice. I was so shy that when my best friend’s mom asked me if I wanted a drink, I’d whisper the answer in my friend’s ear instead of speak it out loud. I never spoke up in class, and from elementary school through college I was the girl with straight As and negative participation points.
The only place I felt comfortable exploring my thoughts and discovering the pieces of my personality was through writing. I’ve always kept journals, and in them I had conversations with myself. I wrote down what I would have said to the girl sitting next to me if I had been brave enough to do so. I kept track of my commentary in classrooms, made up for what I didn’t say with thoughtful essays that proved I’d been paying attention all along.
I know my voice on paper. But sometimes when I try to write something to put out in public, the same fear I felt as a child keeps me silent.
I haven’t written on this blog since 2017.
I trapped myself back into the box of believing my thoughts don’t matter to the world. Of believing I am someone destined for silence, while others were made for the loudspeaker. But in doing so, I was distancing myself further and further from my purpose. There are a few things that helped bring me back to this space, and to writing in general. I hope they can help you if you’ve been struggling with similar feelings.
Find your North Star.
No matter what your passion/hobby/career is, giving something your all is going to require you to know why you’re doing it. For awhile I got so swept away by self doubt that I forgot why I write at all—to connect with others, to share a positive message. I had to sit down and create a mission statement for my life, from my career to my relationships to my passions. Once everything fit under an umbrella that made sense to me, it made it easier for me to find my place and my voice on and off the page.
Unfollow and unsubscribe.
There’s no metaphor here. When you feel stalled in your own life, you don’t get started again by losing yourself in the comparison competition. If you feel like you can’t write because you don’t write the way someone you follow does, or you think your blog/newsletter/novel will never be as good as that person’s, it’s time to unfollow and unsubscribe. Staying in your own lane is made much easier when you aren’t bombarded with all of the other lanes around you every time you open your phone.
Commit to one project.
Brainstorming is a lot of fun. But I found myself always brainstorming new projects, and not actually starting and/or finishing the projects I came up with. Suddenly I needed to be writing for these publications, plus running my own blog, plus freelance, plus do this full-time job, plus write three different types of books. Not surprisingly, my plans started to feel overwhelming and I’d shut down, not knowing where to start. My husband said it first and he was right: you have to commit to one thing, and do that thing right. The other projects will be there when you’re done, and you’ll feel much more prepared to attack them after finally experiencinh what accomplishment feels like.
Practice, practice, practice.
I want to assure you, the pressure is off. Nobody is counting on you to churn out content to them every day, even if you’ve done it before. Even if all the advice online says you need to post daily. Guess what? Practice is where you win the game. Practice your craft, write every day, grow your confidence as someone who has the grit to show up again and again when nobody is watching. Then, when you do decide to release your work to the public again, you’ll know that the only space that matters is the practice room. It will be your retreat to go to at the end of the day.
Pick your cheerleader.
Self doubt is a long battle, and sometimes your voice just won’t have the strength to overcome it every day. That’s where your cheerleader comes in. Whether it’s your best friend, mentor, partner, or a coach you listen to online. Pick a positive voice, one that believes in you and knows your voice in such a way that they know the world would be at a loss to not hear it. Choose to believe in what your cheerleader tells you.